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Total Arrogance - The Arrogant Worms
Semi-Conducted

BIG FAT ROAD MANAGER
Every rock band has this guy
Not many people really know why
He's got a cell phone and a backstage pass
He's got a big gut and a big fat ass
He's a big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
He plugs in guitars and microphone jacks (Big fat road manager)
He makes sure the system won't feed back (Big fat road manager)
He yells "check one" 'til his face turns blue (Big fat road manager)
Don't you wish he could count to two?
He's a big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
The contract says there's beer for free (Big fat road manager)
A bottle for you and a case for me (Big fat road manager)
I'll make sure you've a place to stay (Big fat road manager)
Then I'll eat your deli tray
He's a big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
You may wonder
Why the road manager's so wide
He's the one who blocks the door
When the tax collecter comes by
The tour hits the road, he spends his day (Big fat road manager)
At an all-you-can-eat buffet (Big fat road manager)
But if he will listen to me (Big fat road manager)
He will manage the symphony
He's a big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager
Big fat road manager

CANADA'S REALLY BIG
When i look around me, i can't believe what i see
it seems as if this country has lost its will to live
the economy is lousy, we barely have an army
but we can still stand proudly because canada's really big
we're the second largest country on this planet earth
and if Russia keeps on shrinking, then soon we'll be first!
(as long as we keep quebec)
The USA has tanks, and switzerland has banks
they can keep them thanks, they just don't amount
cause when you get down to it, you find out what the truth is,
it isn't what you do with it, it's the size that counts
most people will tell you that france is pretty large
but you can put fourteen frances into this land of ours!
(it'd take a lot of work, it'd take a whole lot of work)
we're larger than malaysia, almost as big as asia
we're bigger than australia and it's a continent
so big we seldom bother to go see one another
but we often go to other countries for vacations
our mountains are very pointy, our prairies are not
the rest is kinda bumpy, but man do we have a lot!
(we've got a lot of land, we've got a whole lot of land)
so stand up and be proud and sing it very loud
we stand out from the crowd, cause Canada's really big

ROCKS AND TREES
My country's bigger than most,
And if asked I boast.
Cause i'm really proud,
So I shout it loud.
Though our numbers are few,
We will welcome you.
Although we don't have history,
Gold medal winning teams,
Heroes or prisoners, world famous volcanoes,
Still what we've got's glorious.
Cause we've got rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and water.
(All right, everyone!)
We've got rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and rocks and trees, and trees and rocks,
and water.
We knew Edmonton would love improv. Symphony improv!
(Rocks! and Trees! shouting featuring the audience and Trevor's mom)
In Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada,
Ca-an-a-da, Can-a-da.
Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada,
Ca-an-a-da, Canada.

LOG IN TO YOU
You double clicked my heart
You upgraded my life
You booted up my hard drive
Please be my cyber-wife
You logged into my soul
You downloaded my dreams
Let's go to my chatroom
And I'll show you what I mean
I wanna log in to you
So I can prove my love is true
You're the Apple of my IBM
Let me interface with you
I wanna log in to you
Password incorrect
My login was denied
I gotta open up your motherboard
Put my Pentium inside
I got a 21 screen
The colours will make you dizzy
My attachments are full
Of love for you
But you modem still rings busy
www.love
you@me.com
You can unzip all my floppy files
And spin my CD-ROM
I wanna log in to you
So I can prove my love is true
I'm free of any virus
And I've been debugged too
I wanna log in to you
So I can prove my love is true
Be my laptop dancer
I got lotsa RAM for you
I wanna log in to you
www.love
you@me.com

I AM COW
I am Cow
Hear me moo
I weigh twice as much as you
And I look good on the barbecue
Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and butter's
Made from liquid from my udders
I am cow,
I am cow, hear me moo!
I am cow, eating grass
Methane gas comes out my ass
And out my muzzle when I belch
Oh the ozone layer is thinner
From the outcome of my dinner
I am cow,
I am cow, I've got gas.
I am cow, here I stand
Far and wide upon this land
And I am living everywhere
From B.C. to Newfoundland
You can squeeze my teats by hand
I am cow, I am cow, I am cow,
I am cow, I am cow, I am cooooooooow!

THE LAST SASKATCHEWAN PIRATE
Oh, I used to be a farmer and I made a living fine,
I had a little stretch of land along the CP line
But time are hard and though I tried, the money wasn't there
And bankers came and took my land and told me fair is fair
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always "no"
Hire you now, they'd always laugh, we just let twenty go!
The government, they promised me a measly little sum
But I've got too much pride to end up just another bum.
Then I thought who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone
I'm gonna be a PIRATE! on the River Saskatchewan!
(ar.. ar.. ar..)
Chorus:
Cause it's a heave-ho! hi-ho!
Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a ho-hey! hi-hey!
Farmers bar your doors when you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.
Arr!
Well you think the locals farmers would know that I'm at large
But, just the other day I saw an unprotected barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser,
I rammed their ship, and sank it, and I stole their fertilizer!
A bridge outside of Moose Jaw spans a mighty river
The farmers pass in so much fear, their stomachs are a-quiver
Because the know that CAPTAIN TRACTOR! is hiding in the bay,
I'll jump the bridge and knock them cold and sail off with their hay!
Chorus
Well Mountie Bob he chased me, he was always at my throat
He'd follow on the shoreline but he didn't own a boat
But cutbacks were a-coming and the Mountie lost his job
Now he's sailing with me and we call him Salty Bob.
A swingin' sword, and skull n' bones, and pleasant company
I never pay my income tax and screw the GST- SCREW IT!
Prince Albert down to Saskatoon, I'm the terror of the sea
If ya wanna reach the Co-op, boy, you gotta get by me!
Chorus
You salty dog!
You salty cat!
You salty moose!
You salty Mozart!
Oh...
Well, pirate life's appealing, but you don't just find it here
I've heard that in Alberta, there's a band of bucaneers
They roam the Athabasca, from Smith to Fort McKay
And you're gonna lose your Stetson if you have to pass their way
Well winter is a-coming and a chill is in the breeze
Our pirate days are over once the river starts to freeze
I'll be back in springtime, but now I 've to go,
I hear there's lots of plundering down in New Mexico!
Chorus
Repeat Chorus
Farmers bar your doors when you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.

GAELIC SONG
Ah ma wee hach patew mae bo clee hach maneagh Heow
meow meow meow meow meow meow meow BARK meow
igh hough loo loo cheow dach hagh vreigh chouach
mouheaugh Douauh meah mae couchah moo ma meagh
pach hooragh
It's beautiful!
Aye, it rolls off my tongues.
Well, we have a lot of fine players here tonight but none better than Chris. Give us a wee Celtic solo!
(*Undescribably beautiful penny-whistle solo ended with a nose-played note*)
Ah ma wee hach patew mae bo clee hach maneagh Heow
eow meow meow meow meow meow meow BARK meow
Saigh hough loo loo cheow dach hagh vreigh chouach
mouheaugh Douauh meah mae couchah moo ma meagh
pach hooragh Ah ma wee hach patew mae bo clee hach
maneagh Heow meow meow meow meow meow meow
meow
BARK meow Saigh hough loo loo cheow dach hagh vreigh
chouach mouheaugh Douauh meah mae couchah moo ma
meagh pach hooragh Meach bo meah mea bloh meah hoo
noo euach moo doo beah

ME LIKE HOCKEY
Me work Hard five days a week,
sweeping garbage from the street.
Come home not one book to read,
not 'nuff pictures for me see.
Sit right down in favorite chair,
wearing only underwear.
Favorite night is Saturday night,
'cause me can watch hockey fights.
Me like hockey
Me like hockey
Me not like pro basketball,
'cause me short and they all tall.
Baseball bore me to the ground
'cept when players charge the mound
Wrestlemania not so great,
Me like to see The Rock Skate.
TV socccer not that hot,
you play bad and you get shot.
Me like hockey
Me like hockey
Swedish players must be geeks, haha
'cause they still got own real teeth. hahaha
Not like Finnish players names,
what's a Teemu anyway? hahaha
Russians worst in history,
got stupid names like Valeri. hahaha
Me like Sergi Federov,
Me like him more if head were off. hahaha
Me like hockey
Me like hockey
Me like hockey
We like hockey
Please Mr. Linesman let the players fight
Please Mr. Linesman let the players fight
Please Mr. Linesman let the players fight
Please Mr. Linesman let the players fight
Let them fight
Let them fight
Let them fight
Let them fight!
Let them fight!!
Let them fight!!!
Let them!!!!
Friends come over, put game on,
argue then we lay bets down.
Got bag of chips and case of Bud,
should last 'til end of first period.
But game go into overtime
And me not have a funny rhyme
Me try to make local joke
Probably get face broke
Me Like Hockey
Me Like Hockey
Me Like Hockey
Me Like Hockey
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

CARROT JUICE IS MURDER
Listen up brothers and sisters come hear my desperate tale
I speak of our friends of nature trapped in the dirt like a jail
Vegetables live in oppression, served on our tables each night
This killing of veggies is madness, I say we take up the fight
Salads are only for murderers, coleslaw's a fascist regime
Don't think that they don't have feelings, just cause a radish can't scream
Chorus:
I've heard the screams of the vegetables (scream, scream, scream)
Watching their skins being peeled (having their insides revealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (burning off calories)
How do you think that feels (bet it hurts really bad)
Carrot juice constitutes murder (and that's a real crime)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves (let my vegetables go)
It's time to stop all this gardening (it's dirty as hell)
Let's call a spade a spade (is a spade is a spade is a spade)
I saw a man eating celery, so I beat him black and blue
If he ever touches a sprout again, I'll bite him clean in two
I'm a political prisoner, trapped in a windowless cage
Cause I stopped the slaughter of turnips by killing five men in
a rage
I told the judge when he sentenced me, This is my finest
hour,
I'd kill those farmers again just to save one more cauliflower
Chorus
How low as people do we dare to stoop,
Making young broccolis bleed in the soup?
Untie your beans, uncage your tomatoes
Let potted plants free, don't mash that potato!
No spare the spuds, Eat a cow their so dumb!
I've heard the screams of the vegetables (scream, scream, scream)
Watching their skins being peeled (fates in the stir-fry are sealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (you fat gourmet slob)
How do you think that feels? Come on Kids you got matches
(leave them out in the field)
Carrot juice constitutes murder (V8's genocide)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves, Right on brother (yes, your composts are graves)
It's time to stop all this gardening (take up macrame)
Let's call a spade a spade
(is a spade, is a spade, is a spade, is a spade......)

DANGEROUS
Darling for you
I think of what I'd so
To keep you safe and sound
I would climb the highest mountain
I would swim the widest sea
I would wrestle a gorilla to the ground
I would fend off a dozen charging rhinos
I would catch a storm of killer bees
I would fight a firey dragon with a wooden sword
If I didn't know what this could do to me
Cause it's too dangerous (too dangerous)
I'd really like to do it
But I might get hurt
It's dangerous (too dangerous)
I don't feel like bleeding
On my brand new shirt
You might say I'm cowardly
Or say I'll full of fright
You might call me yellow
And baby you'd be right!
So I'd skip across volcanoes full of lava
I'd even grab a tiger by the tail
I would make fun of
A boxing champion's mother
But my courage and My bowels both would fail
I would fight off a bunch
Of angry Kosacks
I would stop a thousand
Bullets with my hand
I would laugh
As my leg was amputated..
But baby, I'm not that kind of man!
Cause it's too dangerous (too dangerous)
I use big words
But I never do the deed
It's dangerous (too dangerous)
I faint like a baby
If I see somebody bleed
I haven't got a backbone
I'm as timid as a mouse
I would find a cure for this
But I can't leave the house!
Cause it's dangerous
Too dangerous
Too dangerous
For meeee!
For meee!
For me.

BILLY THE THEME PARK SHARK
I'm a shark I'm a shark
A killer of the ocean
I'm a shark I'm a shark
Silently I strike
I'm a shark I'm a shark
I'm dumber than a tree
I only have three thoughts
And they are eat, swim... eat
He's a shark he's a shark
I was swimming in the ocean
He's a shark he's a shark
I got picked up by a boat
A team of lonely fisherman
Sold me to the city
And now my name is Billy
I'm a theme park shark
Billy the theme park shark
Preforming tricks for tourists at fee five bucks a head
Billy the theme park shark
He looks just like a killer but he's too well fed
The sight of blood is what put me in a frenzy
Now it means that it's time to clean the pool
I'm a shark I'm a shark
I'm swimming in a pool
He's a shark he's a shark
I dont have to fight for food
I get three meals a day
And some extra on the weekends
And i'm the only shark I know who has a dental plan
(who has a dental plan)
Billy the theme park shark
Jumping at a football that's suspended overhead
Billy the theme park shark
He looks just like a killer but he's too well fed
He's a shark he's a shark
And I'm not in my natual habitat
He's fat and old and lazy
But I'm happier here
I really hope these activists don't free Billy
'Cause out there in the wild I'd be dead
Then one day just after a performance
He barfed up a flounder on the owner of the park
Billy the theme park shark
Preforming tricks for tourists and throwing up his meal
Billy the theme park shark
Now he's been replaced by a juggling seal
Oh Billy (Billy), Billy (Billy)
The number one attraction of an aquabatic zoo
Oh Billy (Billy), Billy (Billy)
The poster fish of tourism Iowa!

CELINE DION
i think i got a crush on celine dion
the way she beats her chest when she sings a love song
there's something about her, makes me want to feed her
and i'd love to be mister celine dion
She'll sing a song in english, then she'll sing en francais
both the songs will suck, but i love her anyway
she's full of emotion, i'm full of devotion
for celine, and i'll be hers some day
Chorus:
oh celine dion, you soft rock my world
won't you please be my celine
i'd do anything if you'd be my girl
oh be my girl celine
i sent you cards and letters, but you don't respond
(you don't respond)
you play hard to get, but my heart goes on and on
(on and on.....)
i just want to say, je vous aimerais
and i can see your house from my van (hey, quit changing your phone number!)
Chorus
her skin's so soft and clean
just like porceline
i wish she'd slather me
with a tub of vaseline
that was a little creepy
i'm sorry celine (celine) celine (celine) celine
Celine Dion

WE ARE THE BEAVER
The US is the Eagle
Russia is the Bear
Australia is the Kangaroo
'cause they're kinda weird down there
Yeahhh,
India is the Tiger
That stands so proud and tall
But Canada is the greatest of them all
We are the Beaver
We're furry and we're free
Yeah, we are the Beaver
We got two big front teeth
Yeah we are the beaver
We can chew right through small trees
Yeah, we are the beaver,
we are the beaver,
we are the beaver
You might think a rodent
Is a pretty lame choice
For a national animal
But don't ya listen to that voice
No, 'cause all them birds and predators just take from the land
But the beaver always gives a dam
We are the beaver
We got cute little webbed feet
Yeah, we are the beaver
It's bark we like to eat
Yeah, we are the beaver
The nickel we complete
Yeah, we are the beaver,
we are the beaver,
we are the beaver
The eagle flys the skies above and swoops down on it's prey
The big bear will maul anyone who dares gets in its way
The tiger is the greatest of the hunters today
But the beaver, it can build dams, yeah
The beaver it can build dams, dams
DAAAAAAAAAAAMMMSSSSSSSSSSSS
We are the beaver
We slap our tails when danger's nearby
We are the beaver
We got waterproof hides
Yeah, we are the beaver
We got big bums and beady eyes
We are the beaver, we are the beaver, we are the beaver
We are the beaver
Our name is often used as a double ententrade
Yeah, we are the beaver
'Cause in Canada both french and english belong
Yeah we are the beaver
And the subject of this song is
We are the beaver,
we are the beaver,
we are the beaver
Ya what are we?
We are the beaver,
we are the beaver,
we are the beaver
are ya sick of it yet?
we are the beaver,
we are the beaver,
we are the beaver

  

I like toast