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Total Arrogance - The Arrogant Worms
Idiot Road

IDIOT ROAD
All towns have a place
Where decent drivers are not safe
Where traffic law is touch and go
Where the posted limit does not bind
And half the drivers seem to blind
And the other half is stupid, whoa, whoa, whoa
Well Billy-Bob and Bobby-Sue
And little Jimmy-Jerry and Betty-Boo
All know it's dangerous to go
Down on Idiot Road
Down on Idiot Road they drive real fast
They never put their signal on when they want to pass
They cut you off as they talk on their cell phones (Down on Idiot Road)
Granny's doing thirty on the passing lane
The tailgater behind you got his bumper on your brain
Where people think that stop means go
Down on Idiot Road
The guy beside you picking his nose
Starts running you off the road
You give him a honk and he gives you the finger
So you swerve into the passing lane
But the idiot is doing the same
And your turnoff's coming up, whoa, whoa, whoa
So a three lane change you try to pull
When some guy on a bicycle
Puts his spandex butt where you need to go
Down on Idiot Road
Down on Idiot Road they drive real fast
They never put their signal on when they want to pass
They cut you off as they talk on their cell phones (Down on Idiot Road)
Granny's doing thirty on the passing lane
The tailgater behind you got his bumper on your brain
Where people think that stop means go
Down on Idiot Road
Down on Idiot Road
Down on Idiot Road
Down on Idiot Road

BOY BAND
Uh-huh, c'mon, give me some, now.
You know something girl?
I'm thinking about you right now.
You don't wanna know what I'm thinking about you girl,
Or-or do you?
Girl you think i'm the bomb
But i'm old enough to be dating your mom, and i did
She wasn't that bad
But you're grounded if you tell your dad
That you like the way we dance
With rock hard abs and plastic pants.
You give us teddy bears,
And in return we shave our chest hairs (yeah, we're so manly)
Cuz we're singing in a boy band,
The words are stupid and the music's bland
We'll never see a dime from selling out to the man,
yeah, we're a boy band
We say we met in church,
but we're a product of market research, (oh, we lied)
We sing about sex,
to little girls who shouldn't think about sex yet
it's not like they listen (it's not like they care)
Cuz when we sweat our bodies glisten
We like the color blue, (blue, blue, blue)
And we're appearing at a mall near you (right beside the food court)
Cuz we're singing in a boy band,
The words are stupid and the music's bland
No one likes us here but we're big in Japan,
Yeah, we're a boy band
Throw your hands up in the air and wave 'em around
like you just don't care
you just don't care, you just don't care,
now bring your hands down from the air
Cuz we're singing in a boy band
the words are stupid and the music's bland
another pollutant in the pop wasteland,
Yeah, we're a boy band
yeah, we're a boy band
Yeah, we're a boy band

WE ARE THE BEAVER
The US is the Eagle
Russia is the Bear
Australia is the Kangaroo
'cause they're kinda weird down there
Yeahhh,
India is the Tiger
That stands so proud and tall
But Canada is the greatest of them all
We are the Beaver
We're furry and we're free
Yeah, we are the Beaver
We got two big front teeth
Yeah we are the beaver
We can chew right through small trees
Yeah, we are the beaver, we are the beaver, we are the beaver
You might think a rodent
Is a pretty lame choice
For a national animal
But don't ya listen to that voice
No, 'cause all them birds and predators just take from the land
But the beaver always gives a dam
We are the beaver
We got cute little webbed feet
Yeah, we are the beaver
It's bark we like to eat
Yeah, we are the beaver
The nickel we complete
Yeah, we are the beaver, we are the beaver, we are the beaver
The eagle flys the skies above then swoops down on it's prey
The big bear will maul anyone that dares gets in its way
The tiger is the greatest of the hunters today
But the beaver, it can build dams, yeah
The beaver it can build dams, dams
DAAAAAAAAAAAMMMSSSSSSSSSSSS
We are the beaver
We slap our tails when danger's nearby
We are the beaver
We got waterproof hides
Yeah, we are the beaver
We got big bums and beady eyes
We are the beaver, we are the beaver, we are the beaver
We are the beaver
Our name is often used as a double ententrade
Yeah, we are the beaver
'Cause in Canada both french and english belong
Yeah we are the beaver
And the subject of this song is
We are the beaver, we are the beaver, we are the beaver
I Can't hear you
We are the beaver, we are the beaver, we are the beaver
are ya gettin' the point?
we are the beaver, we are the beaver, we are the beaver

BABY POO
I used to talk about politics, politics, politics,
I used to talk about politics but I don't anymore.
I used to talk about communism, socialism, capitalism
I used to talk about hobosisms but now I'm a dad
And all I talk about is baby poo
Baby poo, baby poo
All I talk about is baby poo
Baby poo, baby poo
All I talk about is baby poo
I used to rant about traffic problems, fender benders, stupid signs
I used to fear an accident
But now I stay at home
And talk about:
Baby poo, baby poo
All I talk about is baby poo
Baby poo, baby poo
All I talk about is baby poo
Sometimes it's all brown and gooey
Sometimes it looks like dijon mustard
Sometimes it's like melted crayon
Sometimes it just smells like POO
I used to talk about philosophy, cup vi maker, Socrates
I used to think metaphysically
But now I think the world evolves around:
Baby poo, baby poo
All I talk about is baby poo
Baby poo, baby poo
All I talk about is baby poo
Sometimes it feels just like stucko
Sometimes it feels like jello pudding
Sometimes it's like avacado
Sometimes she just pees on me
I used to be real int'resting
Discussing isues of the day
But now I call up my MP
And tell her all about my baby poo

Baby poo, baby poo
All I talk about is baby poo
Baby poo, baby poo
All I talk about is baby poo(x2)

FUZZY DICE
I came to town in the heat
A lonely man with tired feet
Covered heat to toe in perspiration
Then you caught me unaware
Body so sleek I had to stare
And me a man in need of transportation
I do not how you got
Into Hernandez' Used Car Lot
But I knew that you were
Coming back with me
I had to have you for my own
But should I lease or get a loan
Sometimes love is not free
And I'll dress you up in fuzzy dice
A liscence plate that glows
And chrome exhaust pipes
I'll dress you up in fuzzy dice
And together we ride into the night
Paid Hernandez to let you go
My lovely El Camino
Could hardly wait to get you to my place
And even though we love each other
I will put on plastic seat covers
Nowadays you cannot be too safe
I will buff you every night
And put your lugnuts on so tight
Do you love me as much as I love you
And when I drive you 'round a corner
Do you think of another owner
Am I enough for you?
Oh, I'll dress you up in fuzzy dice
Funny bumper stickers and tires with walls of white
I'll dress you up in fuzzy dice
And together we will ride into the night
Vroom vroom vroom

I RAN AWAY
I remember back when I was still in school
These bullies always picked on me, they called me a fool
They knocked me on the ground!
They rubbed dog poop in my ears!
They kicked me, they punched me,
They said, "Come on and fight me you wimp!"
(What'd you do??!!)
I faked I had an injury then I ran away
I ran away, I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
The children always laughed at me after that day
When I said I tore my ACL and I ran away
I was playing one day in my backyard
When I made the perfect snowball, round and smooth and hard
I spotted nasty Ted Jablonski!
I let fly the perfect snowball!
It smashed the neighbour's windshield!
They neighbour came out and said, "Who the hell did that?!"
(What'd you do??!!)
I pointed at my sister and then I ran away
I ran away, I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
My sister was grounded for three years and a day
So said she was adopted and then I ran away
I was walking with my girlfriend one night
Two guys were sitting on a bench, they pointed at her and said,
"She's a fat, ugly tramp!"
"She smells like peanut butter!"
"She's a loser!"
"She's pedantic!"
"She's a mediocre soccer player!"
My girl said, "Make them stop!"
(What'd you do??!!)
I dumped my girlfriend on the spot and I ran away
I ran away, I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
The honour of my woman was on the line that day
So I told my girlfriend I was gay and I ran away
I was walking by myself last week
When the devil himself appeared in front of me
He had fire all around him!
He smelled like a burning tire dump!
He opened his mouth, he pointed at me and he said,
"Mike, you're next!"
(What'd you do??!!)
I came up to the devil!
I poked the devil on the shoulder!
I said, "Look over there," and then I ran away.
I ran away, I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
I'm hoping that the devil smokes two packs a day
'Cause my day of reckoning is here and I ran away
I ran away, I ran away
Danger stared me in the face and I ran away
Whenever I was challenged I collapsed like a souffle
But I'm still alive to sing this song 'cause I ran away
Oh yes I ran
(oh yes he ran)
Oh yes I ran
(oh yes he ran)
I ran away!

TRICHINOSIS
Oh my darling I sure loved that meal
Though I could still taste the pig squeal
Now I'm weak and losing focus
I think you gave me trichinosis
Trichinosis is little worms that dig
And burrow through your body after you eat raw pig
I love you hon but can't help but notice
That you gave me trichinosis
By candlelight I ate that pork
I couldn't see danger on my fork
Oh if you do love me completely
Never again feed me food that will eat me
Now I feel kinda strange inside like I'm in an apartment
With tenants I just can't seem to evict
They're having a party and I'm the buffet
I love you darling but I'd be lying
If I didn't tell you this was eating me up inside

BILLY THE THEME PARK SHARK
I'm a shark I'm a shark
A killer of the ocean
I'm a shark I'm a shark
Silently I strike
I'm a shark I'm a shark
I'm dumber than a tree
I only have three thoughts
And they are eat, swim... eat
He's a shark he's a shark
I was swimming in the ocean
He's a shark he's a shark
I got picked up by a boat
A team of lonely fisherman
Sold me to the city
And now my name is Billy
I'm a theme park shark
Billy the theme park shark
Preforming tricks for tourists at fee five bucks a head
Billy the theme park shark
He looks just like a killer but he's too well fed
The sight of blood is what put me in a frenzy
Now it means that it's time to clean the pool
I'm a shark I'm a shark
I'm swimming in a pool
He's a shark he's a shark
I dont have to fight for food
I get three meals a day
And some extra on the weekends
And i'm the only shark I know who has a dental plan
(who has a dental plan)
Billy the theme park shark
Jumping at a football that's suspended overhead
Billy the theme park shark
He looks just like a killer but he's too well fed
He's a shark he's a shark
And I'm not in my natual habitat
He's fat and old and lazy
But I'm happier here
I really hope these activists don't free Billy
'Cause out there in the wild I'd be dead
Then one day just after a performance
He barfed up a flounder on the owner of the park
Billy the theme park shark
Preforming tricks for tourists and throwing up his meal
Billy the theme park shark
Now he's been replaced by a juggling seal
Oh Billy (Billy), Billy (Billy)
The number one attraction of an aquabatic zoo
Oh Billy (Billy), Billy (Billy)
The poster fish of tourism Iowa!

STALKER GIRL
When I joined a band I thought my life was pretty cool
We'd stay in hotels with room service and pools
Sign body parts for fans
Check into rehab and smash up the van
But looking back I should have stayed in school.
Life out on the road can be dangerous you see
To rock stock food and smelly roadies
Are not nearly as scary
As that girl who's at every show
Mouthing the words from the front row
The stalker girl is scaring the hell out of me
She's my creepy stalker girl
I'm the centre of her wacked out crazy and delusional world
She follows me every everywhere
She's even got a bag with some bits of my hair
Just go away you creepy stalker girl
She says I touch her in a very special way
But I'd never go near her now without my pepper spray
And the voices in her head
Said break into my house and sleep in my bed
And they also said that shaving the cat was okay
She's my creepy stalker girl
I'm the centre of her wacked out crazy and delusional world
She follows me every everywhere
She's even got a bag with some bits of my hair
Just go away you creepy stalker girl
I've analyzed your handwriting and I've got some bad news
You're manic obsessive with the band and mad issues
And you think that all our songs
Are about you and you're usually wrong
Except for now this song is so about you
You creepy stalker girl, you creepy stalker girl, you creepy stalker girl

WORST SEAT ON THE PLANE
I bought a ticket to Australia for my holiday
Figured it'd be just the thing to wash the stress away
Got my boarding pass and found out alas
That I was seated in the middle row
The businessman beside me smelt like Old Spice and gin
The lady to the left was talking about her grandchildren
Two kids behind me were screaming for their mom
She was screaming back, I wonder how come
I got the worst seat on the plane
By the time I land I'll be insane
My legs are starting to go numb
And I just wanna kill someone
I got the worst seat on the plane
Bladder's full and back's in pain
Next time I have somewhere to go
Think I'll ride my bicycle
I couldn't go to sleep 'cause the pillow's too damn awkward
So I tried to watch the movie but it starred Kevin Cosner
The earphone's hurt my head and the reading light was dead
And then the pilot said turbulence is on the way
The coffee on my tray was now on my lap
The old lady beside me had a heart attack
The children screeched so loud I thought my skull would rack
The businessman turned blue and threw up on my back
I got the worst seat on the plane
By the time I land I'll be insane
My legs are starting to go numb
And I just wanna kill someone
I got the worst seat on the plane
Bladder's full and back's in pain
Next time I have somewhere to go
Think I'll just rent the video
After seven hours I could take no more
So I tried to open the emergency door
But the flight attendant tackled me to the floor
She said "Go back to your seat, dear"
I said "I'd rather get off here¯"
I got the worst seat on the plane
I think that I am now insane
My legs are both completely numb
I want to kill everyone
I got the worst seat on the plane
Bladder's burst, my back's in pain
Next time that I get wanderlust
Think I'll just take the place
I got the worst seat on the plane, I got the worst seat on the plane
Got the worst seat on the plane, got the worst seat on the plane, got the worst seat on the plane
I got the worst seat on the plane

REALLY SCARY
It's the most frightening thing in the world
It's the scariest sight I've ever seen
The most chilling visual
The most terrifying scene
It's awful, it's crappy, it's monstrous, it's bad
It's really really huge
It's a fat man in a Speedo
I'm walking on a beach in a tropical isle
Hoping to enjoy the sand and surf
When I see a mound of baby-oiled flesh
Rolling and a broiling in the foam
The only thing that's holding this
Explosion of Caucasian is
A tiny red synthetic coloured thread
I try to sink it in the sand
And entomb it in a castle but
It always manages to break free
The fat man in a Speedo
I'm having nightmares
I'm scared to open my eyes
I try to free myself
By going to the buffet
But there he is
He even eats in his Speedo
I take up a collection at the bar the next day
And everybody gives to the cause
To rent a helicopter that will take this whale
To Cuba and free the horizon from his bulk
We have a celebration
In one of his indentations
And throw a bowl of jello in the air
We think we've escaped and our scenery is clear
But in comes a plane from Germany
Thirty fat German men wearing Speedos!

DRINK WITH ME
Drink with me! Drink with me! Drink with me! Drink with me...
I'm startin' to see double, and I just fell of my stool!
I'm sluring all my words and I'm covered in my own drool!
I threw up on my girlfriend and we got into a fight.
Man oh man, what a fargin' great night!
Well, I wake up the next morning and my brain is full of pain!
And I swear to god, I will never drink again.
But, six o'clock rolls around, and there's nothing on t.v.,
So I call up all my buddies, and they come drink with me! Oh
Drink with me... Have a drink to you're health
then go and throw up on yourself!
Drink with me! Drink with me! Drink with me! AR!
Well, after six or seven pints I figured I was hosed,
So I had another five until the bar was closed.
I staggered back to my place and I cracked another crate!
When I woke up at sunset I was wearing what I ate.
I threw up in the bathroom it's amazing what I saw!
Peas and corn and bicycle parts and meat that still looked raw!
I stumbled to the kitchen and I had myself a beer!
Alchohol, alchohol you are a friend so dear! So!
Drink with me...
Drink for England drink for France! Drink until you pee your Pants!
Drink with me! Drink with me! Drink with me! AR!
Woke up at six p.m. I needed liquor and a friend!
So I grabbed a couple bottles and a pig out of it's pen.
Drank a bottle of tequila, playing stupid drinking games,
Then, wandered out into the snow and tried to pee our names.
We staggered to a bar and we ordered up a pint!
The waiter said he couldn't, he said "We don't serve swine!'
The pig, he punched the waiter, grabbed the drinks and oinked at him.
That's no way to talk to my new best friend!
Drink with me...
Ninetynine bottles of beer on the wall! Me and the pig'll drink them all!
Drink with me! Drink with me! Drink with me! AR!

BONUS TRACK : MRS CATTO LOVES HER BUDGIE
Mrs. Catto gets up at eight
When she hears her budgie
She puts her glasses on her face
So she can see her budgie
She reads the horoscopes out loud
She reads them to her budgie
She puts on her favourite blouse
And she shows it to her budgie
Mrs. Catto loves her budgie
Mrs. Catto loves her budgie
Mrs. Catto loves her budgie
Very very very very much
Mrs. Catto calls her mom
She talks about her budgie
She writes a letter to someone
She writes about her budgie
Mrs. Catto takes a nap
She dreams about her budgie
She puts the birdcage on her lap
And she pets her budgie
Mrs. Catto loves her budgie
Mrs. Catto loves her budgie
Mrs. Catto loves her budgie
Very very very very much
Mrs. Catto makes a snack
She feeds it to her budgie
She picks up the neighbour's cat
She feeds it to her budgie
Jehovah's Witnesses drop by
She feeds them to her budgie
Mr. Brown stops by and says hi
And she feeds him to her budgie
Mrs. Catto loves her budgie
Mrs. Catto loves her budgie
Mrs. Catto loves her budgie
Very very very very much
(*spoken* Thank you for your time.)

  

I like toast